Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize