Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
