Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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