Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
