I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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