If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
