i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
