using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize