Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
