For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
