you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
