I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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