i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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