wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
