Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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