I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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