Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
