my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
false alarm, still single
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
