I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
