my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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