i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
