one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
