i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
