You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
