had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
