new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize