He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
