Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
