Buhtt sex?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
