You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
