i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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