Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
