I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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