I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
