Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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