I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
