just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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