maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
