I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
