Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
