Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
