I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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