i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
