She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
