i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm at about main and main street
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize