please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
