I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
