You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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