glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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