I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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