I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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