Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
