It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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