sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
