I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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