apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im part way to drunk.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
