I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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