True but thats because hes a fetus.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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