You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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