Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
