i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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