I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
