I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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