You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
