please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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