Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
