the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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