I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
